My Swollen Heart

I woke up at 3am with the overpowering feeling of love eating away at me. I laid still and wallowed in it for a while. The only taint on these overpowering emotions was fear that I might be very tired tomorrow. I have some important meetings to attend.

I wonder how many of you are familiar with the song "For Me It's You." I'm tempted to share the lyrics, but It would take up to much of this post. It's a song by a band named Train. I borrowed the CD from my best friend. I went to sleep with that song on repeat because everyone in my house snores and I wanted to drown them out.

Wow!

I'm a changed man. Not because of the song. I just know this song is symbolic of what I've been feeling lately. For a long time, I've been riding the fence on a lot of things. Religion, love, and the Death Penalty crisis, to name a few.

Things are different now. As far as religion goes, I know I'm a Christian now. I don't say this because I believe all the preaching I hear, nor do I buy all the foolishness I've read over the years. I can be a proud Christian because I now follow the greatest teachings ever attributed to Jesus. I love people JUST BECAUSE. Now, of course there are some I love more than others. But, for the first time in life I love with a complete understanding that everyone is okay JUST BECAUSE.

I don't know where this unconditional love came from, but I will embrace it. I now understand why some people like my friends Debbie, Mike, and Jerie, amongst others, can open their hearts to people I once felt were unworthy, untrustworthy and insignificant. I can forgive the people I've been offended and betrayed by. I even want to thank them all for the roles they played in my growth.

Without that pain and anger I felt towards those who hurt me--and still intend to--I couldn't appreciate the joy and relief that brings tears to my eyes as I write this.

I guess this brings me to the change of heart I've had regarding the Death Penalty. I mean almost everyone claims to believe in God. We claim to believe in forgiveness. Yet, we stand by and cheer when the government kills people.(Some of us anyway) We want forgiveness for our transgressions, but we don't give it to others. That's not the way things should work.

I could use any scripture you can name to show you that such hypocrisy is pure evil. ANY SCRIPTURE! The amazing thing is that we claim our laws are based on the scriptures.

Even you agnostics out there are hypocrites in the same way. I'd bet my healthy left arm against a bag of stale air that if your child sat on death row you'd want leniency for them.

So, how can you sit back and support such insane legislation?

I guess I've said enough for now. There are many people I could thank for helping me grow into the man I am. I tried to name the most important in my last post, but I failed miserably. I left off too many of you. I won't try again for fear of letting some people down who feel they should be named but are not.

If you feel you are one of the people I should be grateful to, then I promise you I am. Those of you who hate my guts, I love you too.

There is one person in particular this especially applies to. I won't name you because you know who you are. Yeah, I love you. I'm sorry you chose to believe things your imagination cooks up. I beg your forgiveness for not being wise enough to avoid being the focus of so much anger.

Always real;

Supaman Tion Terrell