Caught Between Me and Love

I supposed most of you who read this are fans from this blogs Golden Age. So, this will be right up your alley.

I'm in a relationship with a beautiful woman. She likes her privacy so I won't say much else about her here. She is relevant to this post because its about my struggles to do well for her in this relationship.

My experiences have left me with a lot of pain and many fears. The main one being that someday I will be repaid for all the evils I committed. I have only been faithful once in my life before she came along. And that time was not do to a lack of effort to get on with other women.

I almost want to laugh when I think of all the things I've shared about relationships. I used to think I had it all figured out. Now I see that I still have a lot to learn.

The biggest mistake we can make is to think of others as a generic collective. Though there are truths which apply in a general sense, thinking about an individual and dealing with them based upon ideas born of an analysis of any subgroup is a definite way to ruin a relationship.

All men are not dogs!

All women are not controlling, nagging, manipulative bitches!

When in a relationship one must invest themselves in learning who the other person is and what that person needs from them. Then they make a rational decision as to whether or not they can be that person for the other in order to have a productive healthy relationship. Then too, we must consider whether or not the other person can be what we need.

Ooh, but then you have to know what you need!

That's where I think I went wrong. I am still struggling in my attempt to identify with the world. Deep down I'm still the hard-nosed take no shit thug I always wanted to be. Yet, I'm trying to deal with others in a manner that will enable me to grow as a person and a business man.

Caught up in my own confusion, I jumped into this relationship when I wasn't ready emotionally nor financially. Fortunately, my girlfriend loves me enough to put up with my bullshit. Which makes me feel bad because it's a very hard thing for me to have patience with her.

I don't expect to go without problems no matter who I'm with. I just want to be the best thing for her while still being true to myself--whoever I may be when the situation calls for it.

Tion