God Fearing Woman

She said she loves me.
I believe her.
She's sacrificed so much for the sake of our love.
I spent most of our relationship deceiving her.
Misleading her.
Believing I was making it okay by physically pleasing her.
I pretended to be a man with a full proof plan.
It was scam.
Flem-flam.
Lying to myself and too stupid to give a damn.
What I really am, is a boy in the body of a man.
I never knew a man.
So I can't do man.
I never new discipline.
Nor self-esteem
I was made mean.
Mom and Dad were never seen.
I wasn't allowed to cry.
My emotion were put behind the scene.
She wants me to be responsible.
I find it almost impossible.
I never seen it done since I first left the hospital.
Birthday's were hurtful days.
Hated women cause needed Mommy's love in the worst way.
I only loved once.
Maybe twice.
Only one of those was treated halfway right.
Now I have this one.
She's a Christian.
I don't believe in religion.
How could God love me and subject me to such evil conditions.
She and I are so different.
She is a part of the society that condemned me to prison.
You know the type.
Go to work everyday stay home at night.
Follow a budget, go to church, always treating people nice.
I don't think I really want that life.
But I want her.
I can't lie I look at my life and look her hers and find hers is better.
But the beast inside is how I make her wetter.
And how she knows if I'm around no harm will ever get her.
I speak the truth the way I see it.
Nobody wants that although they need it.
They see we're free.
So why punish me for outwardly thinking outside the box.
It makes me crazy.
My only comfort is my lady.
To make it even better she's trying to have my baby.
Still, deep down, I know I'm not good enough.
She's everything I need.
Who knows, maybe God is showing me he loves me.