Thursday, October 25, 2012

Sticks and Stones...: A View on the Bully Crisis

I was asked via Facebook to sign a petition. It was called "Arrest Cyber Bullies Responsible for Amanda Todd's Death." Apparently, Amanda Todd posted a YouTube video describing how horribly she was being relentlessly bullied and how the ordeal has put her in a deep depression. Then within a month she committed suicide.

At first, I thought, "Well, It's kinda heinous to bully someone to that point."

Then I thought," Suicide from being picked on?"

Then I got distracted by life and decided to come back to this later. So, here I am.

Between then and now however, I did click on the link that was displayed on my wall. It took m to a cite with details of how it all transpired and quotes from major media entities. The video was there as well. I didn't watch it though.

By the time I found the video I reached the conclusion that I wasn't going to sign it. My reasons:

1. an American's electronic signature won't hold any weight with Canadian police.
2. the bullies parents should be held accountable as well since they reared lowlifes who enjoy tormenting other human beings.
3.Amanda's parents are already suffering and I pray that they will find comfort. However, I question how well they parented their daughter since she turned out to be so helpless at the hands of bullies that it led to her taking her own life.

As far as I am concerned parenting is to blame for the bullying crisis and many others. How could anyone expect the police to handle bullies for us to. Seriously, I'm almost amused at how sad we are as a people.  Some of us don't  have enough self-esteem to be content unless we are abusing someone else. Or we are the becoming the victims who are left so alone and so powerless that we are driven to emotional meltdowns when we get pushed too far.

What happened to good old stand up for yourself. Go to your parents for help. Fight fire with fire. something, anything would've been better than what Amanda chose.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." I've remembered that one since I was about 6 years old. I was also taught to defend myself and to stand up to anyone. Of course, my upbringing wasn't so great in other areas, but a bully was the least of my worries. Once they realize they have to fight you, they go seek weaker subjects.

Last week, while riding my bicycle, I passed at least six children in a two mile path who displayed physiological indications of psychotropic drug use. about half of the kids I saw were obese. Several of them showed varying degrees of social anxiety.  

Too many of us dope our kids up, feed them garbage, and allow the influences they choose to teach them whom they should be (i.e. famous personalities, undesirable friends, fictional characters, etc.)  Meanwhile we chase an individualized delusional version of the American Dream.

Monday, October 15, 2012


Did you ever wake up feeling exited because you knew soon the sun would rise and you will look over and enjoy gazing upon the face of someone with whom you share a love that has made life worth living.

Every pricked finger, paper cut, bloody nose, black eye, disappointment, hangover, heartbreak, not to mention defeat, rejection, and a few unmentionables. Their love makes it all worth it. 

For some this person is a parent, child, sibling or other close relative.  For others it may be a best friend, God, or a lover, a pet even. For some people all of these things can be the same person. It might even be something inanimate like money. That’s your business.

I just wanted to remind everyone to remember to do something nice for whoever, or whatever, it may be. You may have more than one. Please them all, if they are a presence in your life or in your heart that gives joy the kind of joy I felt when I awoke, I beg you to show appreciation in your actions for a significant portion of the day if you can.

Pray, text, call buy of gift, treat them to lunch, write a letter, play a song, Make unselfish love to them. Do them all at the same time if you find it at all possible. 

Just be sure you are a source of joy for them just as they are for you.




Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Seeking God

I prayed last night. I guess it was more meditation than prayer. My life is tough right now and though I'm strong enough to take whatever, I still feel that something is not quite right.

Previous post explain my life, philosophies, and ambitions. Sadly though, I don't feel much like the person I used to think I was when I came home from prison. I guess I now understand that life is constant. Either you grow with life as it transpires or you stay the same.

I made a lot of mistakes in my life and I still make them constantly. I feel good right now though because I have a new goal to reestablish my career and I'm taking the proper steps to do so at a new job.  Before, I was the knucklehead nigga who did whatever I wanted and them pointed the finger at someone else when the consequences came. Now though, my attitude is totally different. I want the business to do well so that I may live well.

This attitude feels kind of awkward. I wrestle a little bit with knowing I'm putting myself in a position to be hated. However, I expect to obtain manager position within 2 months. I expect to GM in 18 months. This means I have to do my part by performing and insuring the store performs in all areas.

Its a simple concept, but its one that some of my coworkers don't get. I feel alone. That is why I had to stop and think real hard last night. I need strength that I can't muster on my own. My woman loves me, and tries to help, but she has her own problems. 

I didn't call on a particular deity, or perform any ritual, I just let the worries that were plaguing me drift into the atmosphere while I pondered what I had to do next. A warmth came over me as I realized that all I had to do was sincerely move more towards being Godly as best as I can. This doesn't change my dislike for institutionalized religion any, but that's a totally different subject.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Romantic Monday: A Love Letter

I just had one of those moments where I wanted to complain about my life. I wanted to revel in self-pity for a while. All things considered, I actually think I'd be justified.

However, I thought about us. I could feel you lying next to me in pail light that fills the room. It missed the whole mood up I was getting ready for.

Right now I'm thinking about the lovemaking marathons we have endured. It always feels so right when our bodies are connected. It's hard to explain the sense of peace that comes when I lose myself in the sensations of your warmth enveloping me. Oh God, what about when it gets intense and we start crushing each other in the need for more of one another. And the pillow talk that follows while we wait to recoup our strength and  start all over again.

But there is so much more to us than sex. I know you think that is all I really care about. Truth is I love you in ways I can't make sense of in words. You have reached parts of my being that I did not know were there.

You give me a reason to keep my head up when I know I'm defeated. You are my reason to be proud when all else is lost.

I'm laughing out loud right now because you give me laughter when there is no hope. In you, I find joy when all of my life is pain. And, even after you have plucked my last nerve and I'm mad enough to cuss, I can't help craving you.

Yeah, I have it pretty good as long as I have you. I have joy as long as I live because I have known you.

I love you!

Friday, October 5, 2012

God Fearing Woman

She said she loves me.
I believe her.
She's sacrificed so much for the sake of our love.
I spent most of our relationship deceiving her.
Misleading her.
Believing I was making it okay by physically pleasing her.
I pretended to be a man with a full proof plan.
It was scam.
Lying to myself and too stupid to give a damn.
What I really am, is a boy in the body of a man.
I never knew a man.
So I can't do man.
I never new discipline.
Nor self-esteem
I was made mean.
Mom and Dad were never seen.
I wasn't allowed to cry.
My emotion were put behind the scene.
She wants me to be responsible.
I find it almost impossible.
I never seen it done since I first left the hospital.
Birthday's were hurtful days.
Hated women cause needed Mommy's love in the worst way.
I only loved once.
Maybe twice.
Only one of those was treated halfway right.
Now I have this one.
She's a Christian.
I don't believe in religion.
How could God love me and subject me to such evil conditions.
She and I are so different.
She is a part of the society that condemned me to prison.
You know the type.
Go to work everyday stay home at night.
Follow a budget, go to church, always treating people nice.
I don't think I really want that life.
But I want her.
I can't lie I look at my life and look her hers and find hers is better.
But the beast inside is how I make her wetter.
And how she knows if I'm around no harm will ever get her.
I speak the truth the way I see it.
Nobody wants that although they need it.
They see we're free.
So why punish me for outwardly thinking outside the box.
It makes me crazy.
My only comfort is my lady.
To make it even better she's trying to have my baby.
Still, deep down, I know I'm not good enough.
She's everything I need.
Who knows, maybe God is showing me he loves me.