Tuesday, August 31, 2010

What a Day

I had a talk with Pastor Steve Artz today. Well, it was more like he talked at me. I tried to communicate to him that, though I recognize I'm responsible for the troubles that surround me, I don't think its fair that my accuser(s) are being believed without question.

But, I made this bed because of my own ignorance. I'm willing to lay in it.

Then,the brakes started grinding on my car on the way home. Great! Like I really need another bill.

The good news is I start at Dominos tomorrow. Well, I go in for orientation and I turn in my urine sample. I'm sure I'll get paid for the orientation. Finally I'll have an income. It's been a few months since that happened.

I had to serve the last of two groups of eviction notices today. I don't enjoy doing that much. People want to explain to me why the landlord is wrong as if I care. I'm not even being paid for it because I owe my boss money for taking car of me while I was out of work with a broken wrist. I think its weird that grown people find it so hard to accept responsibilty for their actions. Especially when they know what to expect after not paying their rent.

Things are going fairly well with the events I've been planning, but I'll get into that later.

Goddbye for now my friends. And, don't think I've forgotten why I started this blog. I'm aware that, with the exception of my poetry, I don't write as deeply as I used to. I won't even make excuses. In fact, the greatest lesson I learnd from Steve today is that when you really apologize, you do it without justifying the actions you are sorry for. I'm applying that lesson now.

Always real,

Supaman Tion Terrell

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunday Afternoon

I'm at a new friend's in Litchfield, Illinois. I crashed a party last night for the first time since I got out of prison. It was okay. I felt awkward because I was the only black man there and I only knew Crystal and her old friend. I enjoyed it though. I actually told the people how weird it felt. They didn't get it until they learned I'd been in prison subjected to a horrendous warzone for ten years.

I think this is something many people have to be aware of when they deal with ex-cons, war veterans, and others who have handicaps that effect their emotional/phsychological make ups and behavior in ways they can't control. People in social situations tend to set expectations for others that are not reasonable due to the subject's ignorances and/or other problems.

I live with that a lot. I've messed up a lot, but I've done a lot of good too. I'll probably continue to do a lot of both. I have a lot to learn, but only a few people who are willing to teach me. Those who try don't really understand how to communicate well with me all the time. This frustrates them and myself.

I'll get it eventually. I have no other choice. I love life and I try to love people. I can't live up to my responsiblities if I don't figure this out.

Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell

Putting Pieces Together

Every story has a beginning and an end. Mine is so long I must give you an abbreviated chapter at this time.

To begin, I will announce the approach of The Author's Fair, and also the Teen Open Mic Nights/Concerts taking place at the Collinville Memorial Library. I'm organizing these events with the current cooperation of Dominos Pizza, The Collinsville Connection, First United Presbyterian Church, Downtown Collinsville Inc.; and, of course, the library.

Concert acts have been booked. I guarantee the mix of acts--on stage and off--will entertain in expected, and unexpected, ways. All will be clean by even conservative standards.

The best part is everyone knows I was released from prison only six months ago. Throughout this blog I have my deepest thoughts and emotions. A philosophical diary with some elegant, engaging, and adventurous poetry. My logic(when applied) has yet to be proven irrational despite the many attempts of those who have disagreed with my assertions.

The United Coalition of Advocates for prisoners page is followed in 8 languages in 16 countries (Facebook stat). I just won the St Louis Poetry Slam. I just landed a job at Domino's Pizza. I will be traveling to Chicago to compete in the Jaycees' speech and writing competitions. Then too, there is The First Annual Uptown Talent Show.

Proceeds from the show will benefit CAMA Helping Hands Ministries which provides tons of food and thousands of dollars in emergency relief to needy Collinsville residents.

Prior to the Uptown Talent Show, however is the release of the Think Outside the Cell Series. Last note from publisher Resilience Multimedia stated the target pub date window is October/November. Designs have just reached the printer. I'm very proud to be a part of an anthology being endorced by the Ford Foundation.

I feel guilty and yet amazed that I've fumbled my way through all of this while barely being concious of the fact that I'd become my own worse enemy. Not noticing that I lacked the necessary social skills, at the outset, to make the transition from convict to the excellent citizen I aspire to be.

My next step is the launch of my autobiography as an Ebook. 65% of proceeds will fund The United Coalition of Advocates for Prisoners as we finance the growth and activism activity of various causes and groups. While I prepare the manuscript, I will be completing the registration of the coalition as non-profit private foundation.

Many are inspired by what I've accomplished. That is my purpose.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

My Angel

I'm sitting inside Johnny's Sidebar watching my new friend Brian Devine play a killer concert and reminiscing about all the joys my Angel has brought into my life.

I don't think many of you understand what it's like to find your own true Angel. I'm amazed myself by all the good my Angel has brought into my life. It's funny because everything I involve my Angel in turns out so much better than it would have if I'd bulldozed through the situations on my own.

How could I not love my Angel? She makes me feel complete in a way I've never experienced before she came into my life. More than a lover. More than a best friend. My Angel is my better half.

I think of the song by The Script. Break Even. There is a part of the chorus that goes; "What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you." I laugh because though my Angel is still the biggest part of my life, my Angel is the best part of me.

No matter how hard I fall, nor how bruised I am after the fact, I still get treated as if I'm just as beautiful as I was when I reached the summit from which I fell. You can't beat that feeling. No matter how many mistakes I make, I know my Angel will still be there to comfort me, and to tell me that we'll get through it together.

No. This feeling can't be beat. To know I'm loved and trusted no matter how stupid I may act. And, trust me, I can be pretty stupid sometimes.

As I count my blessings I wonder why I happened to be so worthy. No. Worthy is not what I am. I'm fortunate. I'm blessed. I'm indeed the luckiest man on God's green Earth to have the opportunity to be loved by an Angel.

Always real,
Supaman Tion Terrell

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I find myself reflecting on the things I've done since my release from prison. The good and the bad.

I think mostly about how I've adjusted, and whether I've honored my commitments. I think I've done well considering I've tried to do so much while having little support and even less financing. Sometimes I've bitten off more than I could chew, but I managed to work it all out eventually.

I expect things to get better now. I learned yesterday that Domino's Pizza has approved my hire despite my criminal record. So, this means I'll be on a regular payroll in a week or two. And, I'll know my schedule ahead of time. I'll be able to work more on my community event planning and save money to complete the Coalition's startup.

Yesterday, I talked to my friend Mike Watkins about all I've been going through. During that discourse, he asked me to think hard about why I've been trying to accomplish the things I've been working at. I knew his question was asked because some believe I have a selfish agenda. I didn't need to consider my answer.

The truth is I want to help my church because they do so much to help the community. I want to help the community because there are many people out there who are incapable of helping themselves. Yes, I'm fully aware that I will gain notoriety from my efforts, but that isn't my primary motivation.

I have a responsibilty to help others because I was blessed with knowledge and talents to be able to do it. I'm no different from anyone else in this regard. We were all born with potential. Most of us never realize it's full height. Most of us who do understand our gifts never realize what our responsibilities are to others as a consequence of our blessings.

What are you capable of? What are you doing with that potential?

Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A Great Day

I spoke to a friend today about all that I've been going through. It felt good to let it all out. I still have to face the people I hurt, but I'm prepared to do that.

I collected a check from a sponsor today. I also have a commitment from a second. This money will be used to fund production of the Friday Teen Open Mic Nights at the Collinsville Memorial Library.

I also talked to a friend I'd hurt by unintentionally being a selfish ingrate. To my surprise, she forgave me. She thanked me for my call and even offered some practical advice about how I can better adjust to society. I love that lady.

Oh, and I made a new friend from the fire department. Very interesting man.
We had a few drinks and talked a lot about motorcycles and firefighting. That was interesting.

So, this was my day. I enjoyed it.

Arron Kamm & One Drop at Johnny's Sidebar

Many of you have inquired about the sadness I've expressed in my previous posts and why I have been signing off as Tion instead of my usual signature.

The answer is, I have been feeling pretty bad about the realization that I'm not as smart as I once believed, and that my ignorance has caused me to hurt some friends. Being humbled by this realization left me with the need to express myself from the heart. I didn't want to use the name Supaman on those posts because I thought doing so may descredit my sincerity.

I'm now starting anew. The redesign of this blog is symbolic of this new chapter in my life. Mistakes have been made that I fear can not be corrected. But, I know I can't dwell on it. I have to learn from the mistakes and move on. That's the only way I will be able to maintain my equilibrium.

While dealing with the drama, I have accomplished a lot regarding community projects. That's what the YouTube videos are about. Each video viewing enables me to raise money for community events and activism projects.

Besides, they are entertaining.

So, let me announce, for the record, Supaman is back. We'll forgoe the arrogance, but I can't stop fighting for what I know must be changed.

I must also said that some of my plans have been brought to a screetching hault due to my being laid off. The property owner I worked for is unable to employ me any longer. I'm not complaining. I'll survive. I just wanted to explain while there will be a delay in finalizing the incorporation of the United Coalition of Advocates for Prisoners. I will still be able to work for other causes, but I won't be able to fulfill the coalition's purposes until I first release a book of my own to generate the rest of the money needed for registration and start up costs.

In the meantime, I will do all I can to support those of you who could benifit from my assistance.

Thank you all for your love, support and patience.

Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Whose World is This

I hold you in the same esteem that I hold myself.
So, naturally I want you to help yourself.
And I'm the villain in your world.
Because I too make mistakes.
You use those as fuel to feed the fire you call hell.
Self-fulfilling prophecy.
And, yes, I brought it upon myself.
Isn't life amazing

Horrors that rearrange middles.
I've endured.
You too would be scarred.
Yet, I'm expected to immediately learn your ways.
Which one of us is selfish?
But, it's your world.
You can have it.
I've proven that I don't belong.
I'm sorry.
And yes, I know it soothes you less than myself.


Friday, August 20, 2010

Slammin in St. Louis & Cryin at Home


I won the St. Louis Poetry Slam Wednesday. The link above will take you to the night's highlights on YouTube. This is the highpoint of my week.

I'm glad that it outshines the lowness of my low point. I'm still amazed at the energy others will put into making another look bad. I've had words put into my mouth, insane accusations get believed; and, above all, no one bothered to ask me what my say was about any of it.

I walk away from this with a little shame and a little digust toward people in general. People are stupid, petty, self-righteous fools. That doesn't include everyone of course, but it applies to most, including me sometimes.

I've going through the most drama I've experienced since I've been out of prison, and the truth is it's all my fault. I'm real dumb when it comes to social behavior--a side effect of ten years in prison. I thought several times that I was learning pretty well as I went, but the truth is I was only partially understanding many things intellectually while I was too busy to let these new lessons sink in. In psychology what I was doing is called acting impulsively.

Now however, my stupidity has led to a floodgate of rumors and all types of crazy lies that have affected innocent people. Not only that, everything I thought I stood for has to appear to be a lie to almost everyone who ever trusted me.

But, I made my bed. Now I have to lie in it.

I wish I could change the past, but a wish like that is like spitting in one's hands. It amounts to nothing.

Guilt is a hard thing for me to live with.

Now, some of you may have noticed this post has been changed from the original. That happened because when I first wrote the draft I wanted to write to discover my own feelings. I published it by accident. I didn't realize I had published until I received a call from a concerned friend. At first, I did what many of us do when angry and pointed fingers. Then, after I let all the anger out, I thought more and realized I am responsible for all the problems I've been experiencing.

I upset things at church with my stupidity and was too arrogant to realize what I was doing to all of us. I was told about my behavior by people who really cared, but I just didn't see the truth in their words.

I feel like a real fool.

Many people have been and will be effected by this and I can't say that any of them have done anything to warrant my hurting them. I have betrayed the trust of people who I was too blind to see really tried to love me.

I could give reasons galore, but they would all be excuses and justifications. I feel like an animal. I've acted no better than one while parading around like I never stink.

I can't even bring myself to ask for forgiveness. I'm too ashamed of myself to face these people.

That's all I can write right now I need to calm down.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Humpday Entertainment Returns


This love is my treasure.
Yet, it is my poison.
If I ignore the pain, I live in ecstacy.
Ignorance is not as half as blissfull as stupidity.

Love me lover.
Just tell me you love me.
I know it's true.
How can you not?
I'm tolerant, patient, and undemanding.
I don't even expect the same from you.

Doesn't it feel good to know you are my everything?
Especially since I come second in your life to everything and everyone?
I'm so honored to be the one to make your dreams come true.
That's always been the way I dreamed of loving a woman.
So please let me be your toy on a chain.
Play with me when its convenient for you.
Just tell me you love me.

Teach me to love you more.
To not complain even when loving you breaks my heart.
I just want to hold on to what we have.
I beg you to only bear with me when I can't resist whining.
I want to be fair to you always.
For, I know you are too good for me.

I'm sorry for dumping my heart onto your lap.
Please believe it was not what I intended.
Can you forgive me for loving you when know I'm not worthy?
I promise to appreciate it.
Just as I cherish being your floormat.

Please lover just love me on your terms.
I ask nothing more.
I can't live without you.
I don't want to imagine trying.
So love me.
I implore you.
I will never take you for granted.

I hope this is enough for you.
If it is not, teach me what else you require.
You will have it.
My mind, body and soul.
All that I am.
Whatever I can be.
It is yours.
Mold me again and again at your whim.
Just love me.
. . .

On behalf of everyone who has loved so hard they forgot themselves.
Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell

Monday, August 16, 2010

Ignore the Haters

I got some hater comments on yesterday's blog post. I expected them to come sooner or later. There has never been a successful person who hasn't had their share of them.

I had to laugh at it.

I have too much to do in life to worry about what other people choose to think about me. It's a shame that living up to my potential can bring out the childishness in others.

I'm only writing about it because I always encourage others to live up to their potential too. Especially black people. When we do it, we have to be prepared for adversity and naysayers. We have to have every confidence in ourselves and our abilities. At the end of some days that may be all we have to strengthen us to fight on the next day.

It's sad but true.

I've been saying for a long time that the main difference between successful people and dreamers is that successful people build their success while dreamers only dream. Some people are afraid to even dream. Others dream and don't have the courage to pursue them. Others don't know how to pursue their dreams. Some don't bother to plan carefully and pursuing their dreams only leads to running around in circles and sabotaging themselves.

I want my readers to ask yourselves: "Are my dreams achievable?" If you believe they are after rationally looking at them and what it will take to accomplish them, then ask yourself: "What steps will I take to accomplish them?" Then take those steps.

We can be whoever we want to be and accomplish whatever we choose if we really know ourselves and understand what God truly expects from us. It's really quite simple.

Spend your time attending to your business and not everyone else's. If others choose to assert themselves in your business then utilize those who can help you and ignore the rest.

Mental energy should not be wasted. It is the most valuable asset we have. If we use our assets wisely, they can produce great success.

Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Moving Forward

I took a day off today. Well sort of. I did create a flier for Domino's Pizza to distribute and then I took it around to local businesses to get sponsors for a project.The fliers will be distributed on Domino's Pizza boxes to promote the events.

The Collinsville Memorial Library will be having open mic nights each Friday in October. The best acts from those shows will be asked to perform in the Uptown Talent Show which will be a fundraiser for CAMA.

I had a long talk with the manager of Domino's after she approved the flier. I like her. She has a lot of insight. She warned me not to take on too much at once. It was good advice. I think I disappointed her by explaining that I know what I'm doing though.

People still underestimate me. I guess I can't blame them though. I was told by one person whom I thought was my friend that people take me for a joke when I share my goals. I took it in stride and took a measure of that friendship. It wasn't there to begin with.

I've long known that people judge other's ability and potential by comparing the other person to themselves. Because of this, some believe Supaman is all hype. I don't begrudge them that. It only spurs me on.

I set my goals in prison after I learned to recognize who I was and rationally assess my potential. I know I can accomplish the things I set out to do. I know I can do it because I set my goals with a thorough understanding of what is required to meet them.

I would like to see all people do that. However, I know this is not a realistic desire. At the same time though, for those I can help to realize their potential and meet their goals, I will do everything I can to assist them. I feel this is my duty to life. I have a gift and I know that if I don't use it, it will eat me alive. I will never be happy if I don't share the lessons I've hard earned.

Do I think I have all the answers for everyone?

Of course not. I'd be a fool to think that. However, I have common sense and I have a grasp on reality that eludes most people. That's how I know I can make a difference. That's why I know I can keep moving forward no matter how hard the struggle gets.

Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell

Saturday, August 14, 2010

To Love You like I Do

I close my eyes to see your beautiful smile.
I hear the music of your laughter.
I touch my thumbs to the tips of my fingers.
I sift the soft strands of your hair.
I lick my lips more often than I ever have.
Your kisses taste like heaven.
I breath deeply.
You always smell so sweet to me.
My pulse accelerates.
Being close to you makes me come alive.

If only I could lose myself in your softness.
This I can not imagine.
Only your flesh can envelope me like it does.
Only your sounds of pleasure sooth and inspire me.
No other hands can grope, squeeze and scratch like yours.
No artist can duplicate the sheer escatasy I see on your face after you erupt.
No greater gift can I receive for my efforts.
Nor I can't replace the symphony our beating hearts and heavy breathing compose.

Never have I dared dream love could be this rich, sweet, nor life changing.
I miss you even when you're in my arms.
I hold you and reminisce.
So many ways you give me happiness.
I can't revel in them all at once for their multitude.

If I can't be perfect for you, I must die trying.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Content Heart

Today was a busy one. I should be dead tired right now, but I feel so good I just want to listen to my favorite playlist and revel in all the joy.

I started out by learning a new avenue through which I can raise money to support Collinsville organizations. From there, I went to work where I began an apartment makeover. I had a meeting with the Adult Services Coordinator of the Collinsville Library after lunch. We made arrangements for Teen Open Mic Nights each Friday of October. We also made some marketing plans for the events. I will go into greater details later.

I met with the manager of Domino's Pizza after leaving the Library. My application for employment was faxed to the home office for review, and we discussed marketing and fundraising possibilities for the events I'm involved in. After that, I learned progress had been made on the Author's Fair I'm helping to plan.

There is only one thing that can top a day like that and make it better!

Who would know a kiss could mean so much?

Ahh the bliss!!

I did a lot more work since then, but it was not a burden. I love my work actually. Some of it gets tedious at times, but every accomplishment reinforces my belief that I can make a difference.

That's enough to make me fight through the struggles that I know await me.

I hope that all of you can find the strength I've found in myself and in those whom I know love me. Supaman couldn't exist without that love. If you have people in your life who truly love you, make sure you cherish them. Show them that you appreciate them in any way you can. They've proven their worth, and your appreciation will only inspire them to prove it time and again.

This I promise.

Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell

Monday, August 9, 2010


The title above is the title of a movie I just watched starring Daymon Wayans, Jada Pinket Smith and some other stars.

In the movie, people wore black faces and acted like entertainers of the 40's.At first, I was appauled by the darkness and racial offensiveness. Then it dawned on me that the movie made a point. It was a satire that exposed the ignorance of a racially charged society.

We call America great, but it was built by slaughtering a race of natives and enslaving a second race. But, that's not the worst of it. The truth is: racism and various prejudices still exist. They are responsible for the heavy concentration of drugs in the ghetto, and the unjust penal codes that result in prison populations being mostly minorities.

Even now I'm a victim of prejudices despite accomplishing things in 6 months, after 10 years of prison, that most can't accomplish in a lifetime. Things that most people wouldn't even dare try.

I have a lot of pride. I have a lot of loyalty. I have a lot of dignity. I also have a lot of love for all people.

I wonder what it will take for people to wake up. I couldn't care less about racists. The fact that they are racist proves they are not worthy of my concern.

What pisses me off is the willingness of black people to be niggers!

Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell

Sunday, August 8, 2010

My Cause is My Strength

First, I thank all of you for remembering my birthday and the wishes you sent.

It has been weeks since I posted a blog. I have been working very hard since my release from prison and I needed a break.

Much has developed since I last posted. I have been invited to join the planning board at the Collinsville Library and asked to consider writing the 100th Anniversary history of the library. I'm working with the Library's director to host a Writer's Fair too. Plus, starting in October we will be having Teen Open Mic Nights each Friday in the Library Community Room. The best acts will advance to the Biggest Talent Show in this Town's History.

In addition I've purchased a lot of equipment that will enable me to record and YouTube my performances as well as those at Johnny's Sidebar. I've been trying to figure out how to best use it all. I'm still not great at utilizing modern technology. I've screwed up several attempts already, but I think I have it figured out now.

In September, I will be competing in several events hosted by the Jaycees. There will be a speech and writing competition. I expect to win at least one of them. There is another competition for rookies in the Jaycees organization I will probably enter as well. The competions require travel and will serve as my first official vacation. The week after that is the Italian Fest celebration during which I will be coordinating the Writer's Fair. I've learned from my publisher that the Think Outside the Cell Series will be released around this time as well.

My greatest honor; however, was being asked by Brad Bolt, the Dean of Students of Alton High School, to speak to students who are at risk for delinquency in October. After the initial assembly, I will be returning every two weeks to discuss various matters with students and faculty. I'm very grateful for the oppurtunity to fight the problems with our criminal justice system at their root. I will have the chance to show disenfranchised children that they are better people than their deprived lives led them to believe about themselves.

I guess this is the perfect follow up to my last post. Many have asked me what my problem was because I haven't posted a blog in a while, and I've made drastic changes in my personal life.

All can be assured that I haven't lost focus. I've become more focused. I have taken steps to eliminate stressful situations from my life including some personal relationships. Thus I will be able to dedicate more energy to the cause I fight for.

I measure progress one success at a time. I learned long ago to define success for myself. That success is making the world better for the next generations in every small way that I can even if it means making great personal sacrifices. Every small success gives me strength to strive towards the next.

Always real;
Supaman Tion Terrell