Have you tripped over your own words? I have. Every time I say I love you, I tripped over my words. It's like the words don't mean anything.
Isn't that strange? The most used words that we know. The most precious words to hear. But they don't mean what I mean when I tell you I love you.
My dictionary: the Merriam-Webster Dictionary (2004) says a lot about love. Strong affection. Warm attachment. Attraction based on sexual desire. A beloved a person. Unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for others. A score of zero in tennis. Cherish. To feel a passion, devotion, or tenderness for. Caress. To take pleasure in.
So much for the dictionaries. It didn't describe what I feel. They didn't describe why tears are welling my eyes. Does that surprise you? Have you yet to realize that my heart aches when I'm with you, and even more when I'm not with you.
You see, when I'm with you I want you even more than when I'm not. When I'm not with you, I can force myself to think about something else. I must admit though, it's not easy to do. But, when you are near me, a fire rages within me. My heart does not beat. It pounds. I feel the pressure in my eardrums. My hormones leave me befuddled.
You break me down to nothing. It's the one weakness I could never get enough of.
It's the way your eyes shine when you smile. The lightheartedness in your laughter. Even your mannerisms change just slightly. The way you cock your head. Your dimples always show as if you know without doubt our next little private joke is on the tip of my tongue.
I have to fight hard to hide my smile because to me this is our little joke in itself. I don't think you even know about this, but I love you too much to keep a secret. I swell with pride every time I think about how fortunate I am to have a woman such as yourself befriend me, accept me, embrace me, love me.
I could go on and on. I guess this is why alcohol induces talkativeness. I now know how it is to be drunk. I've had too much beer before. But the intoxication that clouds my thinking can't come from a can nor bottle, can't come from smoke, can't even come from hormones during the height of ecstasy.
Only you do this to me. The first thing that crosses my mind when I open my eyes each day. The last face I see before I drift off into that death we call sleep.
I really don't know what I'm trying to say. I don't even know why I'm trying to say what it is that I don't know I'm saying. But, I do know I love you.
I wish saying that was enough.
Supaman Tion Terrell