Saturday, March 27, 2010

Make Men out of Them

The response and support I receive from my readers is wonderful. I appreciate and cherish all of you. So, in thanks, I'm going to answer an important question that lingers in your minds and that has yet to be asked.

Q: What makes me so different?

A: During 10 years of prison, I studied,amongst other things, many fields of psychology and psychiatry. Developmental and Relationship psychology included. I used myself and those I've known in life as case studies to test the data provided in my text books that ranged from bachelor to grad student level curriculum. Doing this enabled me to understand why most men are so bad at relationships, and in some cases, life in general. It also helped me realize the changes I needed to make in order to become a real man. Then I started making those changes.
This is why I'm now able to not only express love as I did in "There is Always More" post date 3/23. Its also why I can have real relationships with women, and respect, cherish and honor them even while in a struggling relationship at home. I'm not afraid to take chances even though I know attempting to be a sincere friend who will support and take care of another person, to the best of my ability, will burn me more times than not. I know Love is an activity and not just a feeling. The latter is only significant if it is expressed in a way that is desired, appreciated and reciprocated by the object of my affections.
Now, lets address one of the problems most men encounter. In our society little boys grow up learning to portray a macho image. They are encouraged to show anger and aggression. Crying is forbidden. Sometimes young boys are forced to ignore physical pain, and feelings of fear, sadness, etc.
The childhood of a typical male forces him to shut out some of, if not most of, his emotions. Thus, he is stripped of part of his humanity. One who isn't free to experience his emotions and grow because of the experiences is doomed to have bad relationships. He must approach them in a bewildered, childish state of mind.
A man who doesn't grow up learning to feel, embrace, explore, nor grow with love, will still be able to feel it however. Yet, he won't be able to understand what he feels.
How then is he supposed to express this love in word or in deed?
Many a man who has neglected, mistreated, or even abused his woman was truly and madly in love with her. Now of course this doesn't excuse any of it. My point is these men are in pain. It hurts them to love, and to be confused and afraid of what they feel. Add to this the frustration that is a consequence of feeling lost and alone in this tragic dilemma. They can't express themselves because they don't know how to. They believe they must bottle these feelings up.
Later, the inevitable emotional explosion is targeted at the woman he loves,yet perceives-in his baffled mind-is at the root of all his problems.
Plus, a being with two hard heads is going to be confused anyway. Smile!
Relationships are hard for everyone. For some less hard than others. Women give so much of themselves; their suffering after being betrayed by the man/men they loved may scar them for life.
I've hurt for each and every one of you since I learned this.
It's sad, but most of you can't move on to the next relationship(s) and forget the pain you've endured. This leaves you with understandable insecurities that you may not be aware of. These cause problems in your future relationships because your antennas are always up searching for a sign that this new man might hurt you. You'll find what you're looking for because no man is perfect.
If you bring these things up to the already confused and frustrated man you love, you probably won't ever get the responses you seek. This will validate your insecurities, whether they are rational or not.
The relationship goes downhill from there although the man and woman may truly love one another.
Please ladies be careful when you are seeking the one who will meet all your needs. Make sure you know what you want as well as what type of man will provide it.
Even if you have found, or do find, Mr. Right, you must still be patient with him. He needs taking care of too.
Even more important, you must raise your boys to be real wholesome human beings with real feelings they understand. The women in their future will love him for it. What greater gift can you give?

1 comment:

  1. I'm enjoying catching up on your blog entries.
    The statement "ladies be careful when you are seeking the one who will meet all your needs" - I would add not one man can meet the needs of any one woman. Not one woman can meet the needs of any one man. We were not made to meet each others needs - we were made to be completed and whole by our loving Creator. He alone can meet the deepest longing of our souls and hearts. As we experience His fullness, He gives us what we need to pour into the lives of others. His love, patience, and understanding are without limit!