Monday, May 10, 2010

What's Your Advice?

My friend Brett made a comment on yesterdays post that requires a public reply.

Brett you're right. Allowing our children to watch television in the absence of a person who will explain the realities behind the things they see will cause problems in the child's psychological development. They'll witness sex, all sorts of violence, chemical substance abuse, and absorb all sorts of propaganda that will brainwash them.

Now, on to the subject of todays post. Something has been bothering me since I landed in prison. Three women, with whom I had sexual relations, had babies near the time of my arrest. The last of the three allowed me to wear the guilt of abandoning my son for ten years, then told me a month after my release the child wasn't mine.

I still haven't given myself time to deal with the emotions arroused by that fiasco.

The first to give birth claimed that her child's father was her fiance. She'd broken up with him to date me. When she and I broke up, she went back to him.

The second to give birth told me that she would allow her husband to believe her unborn child was his child although she was sure I was the father.

Let me stop and take credit for my torment by acknowledging this is all my fault by choosing such honorable women to sleep with.

My point is I'm in hell right now. Since I was a child, I promised myself I would be a better father to my children than my father was to me. I get sick just thinking about these children who may or may not be mine.

I've discussed a father's role in the family several times in previous posts. Imagine how it feels to know I'm a hypocrite. One thing I don't like about myself is my helplessness regarding these children. The emotional part of me wants to look the women up and track them down right now. The rational side of myself tells me to wait until I am in a better financial position to provide for these children before I disrupt their lives just to say hi. I wouldn't be able to afford visits, phone calls, nor minimal support. I feel listening to my emotions on this one would be an act of selfishness.

I want to know what you all think. Email me at (

Always real;

Supaman Tion Terrell

1 comment:

  1. saying Hi might be the start of something beautiful