I feel beat down. Every day is a new hustle and grind. I get a lot of everything done except rest. Yesterday, I had the chance to stop and relax. I got myself together just before going off to work.
It felt good to sit down and budget my time. I think this is one of the problems most ex-cons face upon release. We are so used to having someone structure our time for us, we lose our bearings when released into the free world which has no structured boundaries for the individual's time.
Then again, this isn't just a problem of the formerly institutionalized. What we are really discussing here is discipline and peace of mind. It takes discipline to structure one's life. With structure comes stability and security. We can't have inner peace in the absence of security.
Without peace of mind one is prone to make mistakes that are usually counterproductive.
The need for peace of mind takes us back to our relationships. We should want the people who are close to us to contribute to our well being; if only by listening or making us smile. This assistance is comforting. In this comfort, one is then free to think clearly and objectively about whatever needs to be addressed.
The foundation of a healthy productive relationship is communication. This type of communication requires more depth than most are prepared to indulge. Not everyone is good at expressing themselves. Not everyone is a good listener. There is also a problem of comprehension.
Men and women often express themselves differently. The same words have different connotations amongst the sexes. Its sad really because we all have access to dictionaries. If we spoke plain English, it would help alot. The slightest misinterpretation of one word may turn a potentionally fruitful discourse into a waste of time or maybe even a hurtful argument.
Another problem we have in relationships is the sugar coating that occurs when they begin.
I told a woman I was seeing that I don't believe in lying to children so I won't tell my kids that Santa Claus exists. She shrugged it off like most people do with potential problems when they are anxious to get on with falling in love. When she got pregnant, we argued many times over whether or not our son would grow up believing in a fat man man who slides down chimneys. It made no sense to me. She knew this was my position on the issue before we'd ever slept together.
Looking back reminds me this woman said she couldn't get pregnant because of a partial hysterectomy. Worse, she stopped writing me and relocated without informing me while I was in prison. The worst of it is I sent her an email shortly after my release to tell her I intend to locate my son and visit him on his birthday only to get a response telling me he wasn't my son.
Talk about getting crushed!
I must accept responsibility for not choosing my mate more wisely. We all must take responsibility for our roles in creating our problems. If we don't, we'll never grow.
Its a part of knowing one's self. This is a whole other topic in itself. Maybe I'll address it in the future. Its safe to say, however, that most people don't know themselves. They lie to thelmselves about their faults, mistakes, and responsibility for their own unhappiness. They believe these lies too. This makes it very easy to pass the lies off to others as truth.
We've all known some compulsive liars.
People who are true to themselves and who know what they need from others find it easier to recognize those who play games.This is because they can be observant instead of wasting time concentrating on running game of their own.
I write this for my web family because I believe we all have a right to lead peaceful, productive, and joyous lives. We can all have this if we are true to ourselves and careful when we choose those we allow to play roles in our lives. The goal is to surround one's self with real people who compliment us, and who are concerned about our best interests.
In order to suceed at this, we must be real with ourselves first.
Supaman Tion Terrell